4 Things I do to be a better mentor

Hey there! I’m Raika, a Senior UX and Conversation Designer at Amazon. If you’re new here, welcome! You can subscribe to my Secrets to Great UX Design newsletter for weekly insights. I share actionable ways to create great experiences, grow your career and more… for designers and non-designers.

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Last week I shared how to get a high-level mentor (read it here). Today I want to talk about how to be a high-level mentor.

My main role as a mentor is to support, inspire, and encourage my mentee through thoughtful conversation and consultation.

To use my expertise and experience to help them grow and achieve their goals.

I’m a big believer that being a high-level mentor is *not* about having all the right answers for your mentee. But rather helping your mentee navigate and figure out the right answers for themselves.

Misericórdia Viewpoint in Lisbon, Portugal

Like all things, the more I’ve mentored, the more I’ve learned how to best serve my mentees.

Here’s what I strive to do as a mentor:

1. Encourage my mentee to focus on the process, not the outcome.

When we focus too much on winning or losing, we create pressure and anxiety that can interfere with our performance. As a mentor, I want to help my mentee focus on the process of doing their best. To stay focused on what’s within their control.

Things to try:

• Help them break down the big goal into smaller, more manageable steps to be less daunting and more achievable.

• Help them identify and prioritize the specific skills and knowledge they’ll need to achieve their goals.

• Encourage them to make a timeline for achieving their goals to help them stay on track and stay motivated.

• Celebrate their progress when they hit a milestone.

2. Help my mentee to identify and quiet their inner critic.

Inner critic, imposter syndrome, a fixed mindset... that voice in our head that is constantly judging and evaluating our performance can really get in the way. And it’s often a major obstacle to peak performance. As a mentor, I can help them identify their inner critic, question it and find ways to quiet it down.

Things to try:

• Help them to question the accuracy of their inner critic's thoughts. Is there any evidence to support what their inner critic is saying? Is their inner critic being realistic?

• Help them to focus on their strengths. What are they good at? What have they accomplished in the past?

• Help them to set realistic goals. Goals that are too difficult or unachievable feed that inner critic.

• Encourage them to take calculated risks to build confidence and resilience.

• Model positive self-talk by speaking to yourself in a kind and supportive way, when you make mistakes. And share your own experiences of overcoming challenges with your mentee.

3. Encourage my mentee to reframe mistakes as growth opportunities.

Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is for my mentee to learn from them and not let themselves get derailed or give up. Some mistakes are really painful and have a cost, so reframing them isn’t trying to ignore the struggle and make everything positive, but mistakes can’t always be avoided. As a mentor, I want to encourage my mentee to acknowledge the mistake, learn from it, and move on. To not beat themselves up. To observe not judge.

Things to try:

• Ask them open-ended questions about their mistakes to see things from a different perspective and encourage learnings. What did you learn from this mistake? What could you have done differently? What are some strengths that you developed as a result of this mistake?

• Share your own experiences of making mistakes to show that everyone makes mistakes and that it is not the end of the world.

• Help them develop a growth mindset. A growth mindset is the belief that our abilities can be developed through hard work and effort.

• Provide them with support and encouragement so that they can learn and move on.

4. Help my mentee trust their own intuition.

We all have a natural ability to do things well. The best thing I can do as a mentor is to help develop trust in their own intuition and instincts. The more they can trust their own intuition and let go of conscious control, the better they will perform. Forcing things often doesn’t work. It takes time and experience to discern what is fear and what is your intuition. Helping my mentee relax and let their natural abilities take over, will help them perform at their best.

Things to try:

• Create a safe and supportive environment. Be non-judgmental and accepting of their ideas, even if you don't agree with them. They’ve got to own their decisions.

• Listen without interrupting. When your mentee is sharing their thoughts and feelings, really listen to what they have to say.

• Give constructive feedback but don’t tell them what to do.

• Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective. What’s your intuition telling you? What are the pros and cons of following your gut feeling? Can you think of a time when you trusted your intuition and it worked out well (or didn’t work out well)?

• Validate their feelings. Let them know that it's okay to feel the way they are feeling.

• Share your own experiences of when you did and didn’t trust your intuition.

In essence, a high-level mentor goes beyond the transactional aspects of mentoring and focuses on building a transformative relationship. Fostering personal and professional growth.

“One of the greatest values of mentors is the ability to see ahead what others cannot see and to help them navigate a course to their destination.” — John C. Maxwell

I’m always growing as a mentor. But I’ve found that without a doubt, the more I invest in my mentee (taking the time to really understand their values, personality, goals, and individual circumstances) the more I’m able to tailor my guidance to their unique needs.

The best mentors don't tell you what to do. They show you how they do things. They encourage individualization and autonomy.

What have you found makes a high-level mentor? Reply or leave a comment.

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Favorite Quote and Photo of the Week

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” ― Steven Spielberg, American film director

Surfers at sunset in Algarve, Portugal

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That’s it for today. Thanks for reading!

Until next week,
raika

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